


All Kinds of Love

by Kimium



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Brief Kissing, Brief scene of heat exhaustion, Established Relationship, Gender neutral pronouns for the Imposter, Hint of Owari/Nidai, Hint of Souda/Sonia/Tanaka OT3, M/M, Mild liberties with Nagito's past, One Shot, Small hints and references to the Neo World Program, character introspective, post sdr2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-19 19:28:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17007771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kimium/pseuds/Kimium
Summary: One shot. Post SDR2.An introspective look into Nagito coming to terms with all different kinds of love.





	All Kinds of Love

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there.
> 
> I've had this piece sit barely started on my computer since February. Originally I was going to finish it around Valentine's day but I never did until now. I hope you all enjoy this fic.
> 
> Just as a note for the fic I do make a reference to make up and it as a possible means to express yourself. I want to disclaimer here just in case: Make up is NOT NEEDED to express yourself and if you don't like make up or wear it that's a personal choice that is 1000% okay. I know how society shoves it upon us and if make up isn't your cup of tea that's fine. I just don't want anyone feeling uncomfortable or think that I'm giving some sort of negative message.
> 
> As always, feel free to leave kudos and comments. It means a lot to me. Also if you want to check out my tumblr, the link is right [here](http://www.kimium.tumblr.com).

_Nagito didn’t remember unconditional love vividly._

_The only source in his early life was from his parents. Nagito, of course, could remember his parents, in the same way a three-year-old child remembered things. Fuzzy. Blurred, Merely impressions upon the mind. People always said, “time heals all wounds”, but Nagito disagreed. Time wasn’t an all healing medicine. It didn’t ease the pain, slowly taking it away bit by bit. No, time was an eraser, painfully digging into the paper of the mind, leaving graphite stains and rubber bits. If he closed his eyes, just before falling asleep, his brain would access the memories, a gateway opening between time and his mind. Sometimes he could feel his mother’s hands on his head or the sound of his father’s laughter. Sometimes their voices were in his ears, unconditionally loving, warm, and protective. A few times Nagito swore he could hear them calling out to him, reaching to touch and hold him warmly. When he was younger Nagito tried to run towards their voices, tried to run towards their touch, but he never was able to make it. He’d always fall short at the final hurdle, his legs giving out, his breath stabbing him, his body and mind betraying him._

_Nagito always woke up with tears down his face._

~

Nagito liked to spend his mornings with Hajime, just curled against him, their blankets loosely around their bodies, and their breathing even. The sound of the ocean and the warmth of the sun always tried to filter into their cottage, trying to rouse them from sleep and towards the day. Nagito both hated and loved it. He loved that he was alive, well, and able to experience a day at a time. Nagito also hated that the world was trying to break his morning with Hajime. Those two thoughts always collided within him softly and vividly. Nagito always responded the same way, by curling just a bit closer to Hajime and breathing out slowly, shutting his eyes for just a moment. In that moment Nagito felt loved. He could feel Hajime against him and all around him. Time narrowed down to just the two of them, the world crumbling and disappearing gently into the distance. For a brief second, it was just Nagito and Hajime, together, surrounded by love. That moment was something Nagito liked to bottle it up, savour it and keep it pocketed in his mind. Only then would he get up and start his day.

“You’re thinking a bit too hard.” Hajime commented gently.

Nagito tucked his thoughts away. “Good morning, Hajime.”

“Good morning, Nagito.” Hajime curled his arm around Nagito. “Ready for another round of work?”

Nagito’s legs ached at the idea but he nodded anyways. “As long as I’m with you.”

“You’re sweet.” Hajime pressed a kiss to Nagito’s forehead. “Let’s go.”

Nagito smiled to himself and hugged Hajime for just a second longer. “Of course.”

He then let go and the world slowly reformed around them, reality gently sliding back into place. The island, the ocean, the hope and despair filled world – it all slid neatly into Nagito’s being. He couldn’t be happier.

~

_Nagito didn’t know love at school._

_At school he was a ghost, a child lost in the sea of faces and personalities. He was the strange kid, the one who had to be exempt from gym class, the one who was too pale in the summer and too pale in the winter. He didn’t exist in school – he was just there physically. Pity from the adults and unsure looks from his classmates plagued him. It carried on through all of elementary, middle, and eventually high school. Nagito never really fit and no one really wanted to be near him._

_Sometimes Nagito vividly remembered school memories his childhood, his middle years, the fragmented pieces of his high school years. All of them blurred. The lessons lost and the subject matter not important. All Nagito remembered was ghosting through school and feeling hollow._

~

Nagito liked to eat breakfast with Sonia, Souda, and Tanaka. Sonia was fascinating with her breakfast habits, displaying customs and tastes that Nagito found foreign, but interesting. Souda and Tanaka’s presence wasn’t always there, sometimes due to Souda over working or Tanaka losing track of time with the animals on their little farm. However, when they were present it was always fascinating to watch the three of them interact.

 They’d come a long way from being teenagers not knowing how to handle each other’s presence and now they moved like a well oiled machine. They moved like beings whose gravity had fit and molded around each other seamlessly. Souda would pass things to Tanaka without being asked. Tanaka would add sugar or cream to coffee without prompting. Sonia would pass napkins or plates over without breaking her sentence. Anyone else would feel left out or intimidated by them, but the three always managed to make Nagito feel included.

“Here, try this.” Sonia said as she passed Nagito a bowl filled with a fruit salad. “It’s made in my country’s style of dressing.”

Nagito took the bowl. “Thank you. It looks delicious.”

“I’m certain you’ll enjoy it.” Sonia nodded firmly.

Nagito looked at Souda who gave a half nod, a piece of toast half way in his mouth. Tanaka elbowed him with ease before Souda even tried to talk with his mouth full.

“I implore you to proceed. I’m certain the taste will transcend your understanding of fruit on this mortal plane of existence.”

“Well, if you put it that way.”

Nagito took a small spoonful and took a bite. It was sweet, with a bit of a tangy after taste. The fruit was crisp and enhanced. Nagito swallowed. “It’s really good.”

“I’m glad.” Sonia clapped her hands a little bit. “After I asked Hanamura to make it I was certain you’d enjoy it too.”

Nagito’s heart fluttered and he smiled at the love that filled his heart. “Thank you, Sonia.”

“It’s what friends do.” Sonia assured him. “No need for thanks.”

Friends. Nagito smiled warmly and took another bite of the fruit salad.

~

_Nagito didn’t know the love of sharing a hobby with someone._

_He didn’t know what it was like to listen to someone else’s interests and know they were genuinely sharing their thoughts and feelings because they wanted to. Nagito didn’t know how it felt to want to hear a friend chat and tell them about a project or a sports game or just something they enjoyed doing._

_He also didn’t know what it was like to share a personal hobby with someone, to be the one telling about the hobby and to be the one happily sharing something personal. Nagito didn’t know the joy of simply having a friend to be himself around, to have someone else be themselves around him._

_All Nagito could remember was not knowing if he even had a specific hobby to share or the knowledge on how to share an interest with a friend._

~

Nagito liked to spend his mornings with Souda, just hanging out until the late afternoon. Usually they were at Electric Ave or if it was too hot, somewhere inside, the AC going. Tool boxes, tarps, and appliances littered their space. Usually the appliances were broken but occasionally they were simply not working. Those days Nagito was the assistant, handing tools to Souda and being an extra hand. Sometimes Souda would work on Nagito’s left arm, tweaking and making sure everything was fine tuned. Nagito never cared what they did. Simply watching Souda in his element was enough.

Today was an assistant day.

“Hold this please.” Souda said as he passed some sort of wired contraption to Nagito. “I need to see what’s under it.”

Nagito held the contraption up so Souda could lie on his back and comfortably look up. “Is this okay?”

“It’s perfect.” Souda muttered through a pen in his mouth. “Thanks for always assisting me. I know my hobby can be a bit boring to those that don’t know much about mechanics…”

Nagito shook his head. “I don’t mind.”

Souda nodded to himself and got to work. As he worked Nagito watched the concentration on his face, the laser focus in his eyes. Earlier in his life Nagito would have praised it as being one of the Talented, one of the Gifted Ones. Now, all Nagito saw a was a friend displaying his passion openly and willingly with another friend. Love filled Nagito’s heart, but it was warm, gentle, not fanatic or twisted.

“I never mind helping a friend with something you enjoy.” Nagito muttered softly.

Souda paused in his work and looked at Nagito, beaming warmly. “Thanks, Nagito. You’re a great friend.”

 His sincerity made the love in Nagito’s heart swell a bit more.

~

_Nagito didn’t know love after school._

_He didn’t know the joy of being invited out to a friend’s place or walking home with a friend in tow. He didn’t know the joy of chatting with a friend, exchanging simple information or just wanting to be in the presence of someone. No one wanted to hang around with him. No one waited for him to finish packing his bag or put his shoes away. No one smiled at him and bounced over to his desk, demanding they hang out._

_All Nagito could remember was walking home by himself, his bad tightly in his hands, his gaze on the ground, and his heart hurting in his chest._

~

“Hey Nagi!” Owari raced up towards him, “Just the one I’m looking for! I need someone who thinks outside the box.”

Nagito stumbled as Owari slung an arm over his shoulder. The sun was still up and the afternoon young. Being outside in Electric Ave with Souda wasn’t becoming uncomfortable. Yet.

“What can I do for you, Akane?”

Owari beamed widely and roughly squeezed his shoulder. “I was thinking of some sort of new technique to surprise Nekomaru with, but I need someone who thinks outside the box to help me come up with an amazing move. I know you’re always with Kazuichi helping but I couldn’t wait.”

She then grabbed Nagito and half pulled him up. Nagito spluttered and watched as Souda grumbled. “You’re kidnapping my assistant.”

“I’ve waited for like hours.” Owari whined. “You’re almost done anyways.”

“I’m not…”

“You are because Sonia was looking for you.” Owari half sang. “Don’t want to keep the girlfriend waiting.”

Souda flushed a little but quieted down. “Fine. We’ll finish this up later, if you don’t mind helping me out again, Nagito?”

“No, of course not.” Nagito managed to say before Owari’s cheering filled the air, overpowering his voice.

“Excellent!!!” Owari half danced as she tugged Nagito up. “Come on Nagito! I’ve been waiting long enough. It’s time to use our brains to wow and amaze Nekomaru!”

~

_Nagito didn’t know the love of caring for something._

_Correction. He did know. He knew once when he was a child with a big dog that needed his care just as much as Nagito needed companionship. Nagito remembered hearing about all the responsibilities of animals, of pets, but the reward for caring was love. Love that was always unconditional with pets. So, when Nagito’s dog died he had stopped. He had walled his heart off and tried his best to not blame his luck, blame himself for allowing his love for something destroy the very thing he loved, the very thing that trusted his care in return._

~

Tanaka gently held Nagito’s hand as he brought it towards one of his Four Dark Deva’s. Nagito tried to ignore the shaking of his hand as Tanaka gently brought Nagito’s hand on top of the hamster’s head. The fluff underneath was warm and soft with life underneath it. Nagito exhaled sharply and felt his stomach coil.

“I can’t do this.”

“You most certainly are capable.” Tanaka didn’t raise his voice. “My Dark Devas can sense your internal thoughts and the alignment of your character. Rest assured they will not let any mortal behold and feel their physical forms. You are one of the Chosen. Go on, feel the magnificent form of Jump-P.”

Nagito carefully ran his finger over the soft fur and exhaled again as nothing happened. Tanaka still kept a firm grasp on Nagito’s hand and Nagito was grateful. Without it he was certain he’d pass out or flinch. Carefully running his finger over a few more times, Nagito felt a slow build of ease in his heart. Tanaka’s hamster wasn’t scurrying away from him nor was Nagito being attacked. Nagito felt a smile on his face and he continued to simply pet the head of Tanaka’s hamster.

It took Nagito a solid minute to realise that Tanaka had let go of his hand entirely.

~

_Nagito didn’t know the love of expressing himself._

_No one wanted to hear him express his thoughts and when he did, he always turned people away. He thought just a bit too strangely or entirely strange. His opinions were wrong and his views on the world terrifying. Nagito could speak from his heart and all that would do was push people away. Nagito however, didn’t know how to fix his views, or how to modify them. Hope was all he wanted to express but his hope was skewed, blackened, wrong, but all he could do was keep talking, keep feeling his emotions, and watch them drown not just others but himself in the process._

~

Mioda frowned lightly at Nagito before she reached over and gently moved his hands over the guitar. The acoustic guitar felt heavy and wrong on Nagito’s lap. His fingers felt stiff at the neck and unable to touch the strings correctly. His metal fingers were poised over the middle, uncertain how to touch them. His mind was screaming and Nagito wanted to stand up and tell Mioda that this was a waste of time, that he wasn’t able to do this. When Nagito had said he wanted to find a way to express his thoughts he wasn’t expecting Mioda’s suggestion of music. He had been thinking more like poetry, or drawing. Not… this. Not sitting outside on the beach with Mioda, feeling the breeze and tasting the salt of the sea.

“Just like this.” Mioda said as she ran her fingers over her guitar. It made a lovely acoustic sound. “Your turn.”

Nagito looked over at Mioda who had her fingers frozen in place for the cord. Nagito’s fingers in turn stumbled to figure out their place on the strings. The entire process was sluggish and Nagito flushed heavily as his fingers clumsily tried to create the same sound as Mioda. It sounded nothing like the quality of sound she produced.

“There you go!” Mioda praised. “You have this down! Let’s move on.”

“Wait.” Nagito thickly said. “I… I’m not cut out for this.” Nagito went to remove the guitar from his body.

“You just need practice.” Mioda said with ease. “Music is practice and practice and practice. You’ll get it. Sit down?” She gave a smile. “Besides, this isn’t about sounding the best. It’s about expressing ourselves.”

Mioda then strung a few cords on the guitar and while they were clear, they were a bit wobbly. Nagito wasn’t sure if she did it to prove him a point or because she too was out of practice but her action made Nagito smile a bit. Mioda noted and soon she began to strum some more cords until a soft melody was playing. She didn’t sing (and Nagito was glad). Mioda’s notes, however, were showing her expression, the tone and mood of the scene they were setting. Here, as they sat out by the beach, with the waves and the breeze. Here, Mioda was expressing not just how she felt, but how Nagito was feeling.

Nagito sat back down. “I’ll give it another try.” Nagito muttered as he adjusted the guitar.

~

_Nagito didn’t know the love of listening to others._

_He didn’t know the love of someone coming to him simply because they trusted him enough to air their worries, their complaints, their fears, their emotions, and know that he’d listen and help. No one trusted him the way Nagito saw people on TV or read in books did. He wasn’t someone who listened and was considered a confidant. Sometimes Nagito would lay in bed after watching a movie or reading a book and imagine someone feeling close enough with him, who trusted him._

_The image of someone willing to do that both delighted and terrified Nagito. He always fell asleep with mixed emotions._

~

“You wouldn’t believe it!” Saionji half shouted as she burst into the library.

Nagito nearly threw his book across the room, jolting out of his skin at her sudden appearance. Saionji huffed and half threw herself onto the chair across from Nagito, leaning back in a way that wasn’t befitting someone wearing a kimono as lovely as she was wearing. Saionji folded her arms and groaned. Nagito, calming himself down from Saionji’s entrance, set his book neatly down on the table, bookmarking his page.

“What happened?”

It was the invite that Saionji was both waiting for and not waiting for. Nagito knew that without prompting she’d talk. Saionji was just that sort of person.

“So Teruteru was making desserts and I wanted to help but then he told me, and I quote “You’ll ruin the entire batch with gummies”.” Saionji glowered. “Ruin? I’d never ruin a perfectly good dessert. But it gets better.” Saionji continued. “As he said this your boyfriend walked in and heard and!!!” Saionji cut herself off to huff loudly. “He agreed with Teruteru???” Saionji then leveled a glare at Nagito, like it was his fault Hajime agreed with Hanamura. “So, I was kicked out of the kitchen and I went to find you.”

Nagito blinked and waited for Saionji to finish the rest of her story, but with the look she was giving him, one with narrowed eyes and crossed arms. She then leaned in towards Nagito.

“Well?”

“I… uh…” Nagito swallowed.

What did Saionji want him to say? Nagito suddenly wished he had Hajime with him. Hajime was good with people. Hajime would know what to say to negate Saionji’s mood. However, Nagito was alone and he couldn’t hope that Hajime would walk in. Well, he could, but Nagito was sure his luck wasn’t on his side in this particular instant. What Nagito had to do was channel Hajime’s spirit. What would Hajime do in this case? Nagito had to think fast. Hajime would probably… find a middle ground.

“You’ll just have to make a cake later with gummies. Maybe with Mahiru?”

Saionji stared at him and Nagito immediately wished he could take his words back. He was wrong. He was so wrong. He had messed this up…

“You’re surprisingly insightful.” Saionji’s voice was incredulous but not rude. “I’ll do that.” She then grinned. “Not that I’m thanking you for your advice.” She quickly added before standing up and leaving.

Nagito stared at the empty space where Saionji was and smiled, warmth fluttering in his heart. Picking his book up, Nagito tried to read, feeling the warmth soar through his entire body.

~

_Nagito didn’t know the love of a challenge._

_He didn’t know the love of working hard to push the limits of the body and mind. He didn’t know the love of pouring the soul and heart into a single effort that would be rewarded with a burst of endorphins and adrenaline through the body. Nagito had always sat out of gym and physical education. He didn’t know the joy of working the body and mind for self benefit or for the benefit of a single victory with a team. Nagito didn’t know the joy and rush of winning, the bitter taste of loss, and the love and joy of working towards the goal._

_All he knew was how to watch others work towards that goal, forever being on the sidelines._

~

Nagito wasn’t sure how he got roped into running with Nidai and Owari in the afternoons, but it happened when Nagito wasn’t busy with anything else and that was exactly what he was, not busy.

Huffing a little bit, Nagito kept moving, despite being slower than Nidai and Owari. His legs in comparison felt wobbly and filled with lead. Every step he took made his body scream to stop and his muscles beg for him to take a break. Nagito did his best, to push himself. When he came up to where Nidai and Owari were, he nearly collapsed against them, wheezing. Again, in comparison he looked like a wreck and they looked perfect.

“Aw Nagito!” Owari smacked his back. “Have a drink.” She tossed him a water bottle. It was cold. “You’re doing great, right?”

“You are.” Nidai boomed. “Don’t you feel better about yourself? Don’t you feel that rush in your body? The blood pumping and the heart racing?”

“You’ve run more today than yesterday.” Owari added with a thump on Nagito’s back.

Nagito wanted to disagree with Nidai, that the gasping in his throat and the burning in his lungs wasn’t better or any adjective associated with “good”, but as he opened his mouth Nagito paused. Sure, his limbs were aching and sure his body wasn’t used to it but he could see why Nidai and Owari enjoyed training. He could see the goals and the outcomes people strived towards. And, as Owari had just told him, he did run a bit more than he did the day before.

Straightening up Nagito opened the water bottle and drank in a single gulp. “Yeah, I suppose I am getting a bit better.” He conceded.

~

_Nagito didn’t know the love of creation._

_He had always worried about his luck destroying the good things in life. Nagito had watched his luck crumble and destroy so often that he had forgone the idea of creating, of making something from scratch. Something that was entirely made due to his actions._

_Nagito had always sat to the side and watched others create, watch them make things, and wonder if he’d ever be able to create without destroying._

~

Working alone with Hanamura was nerve wracking for Nagito. While he didn’t fully remember the Neo World Program (though there were flashes and impressions in his mind), Nagito had read the file. He knew what he had done to Hanamura. By all means Hanamura should have avoided him or demanded more than the strangled and heartfelt apology Nagito had managed to stammer out when he first saw Hanamura once awake. However, the chef hadn’t asked for anything else and in turn it was Nagito who tried to avoid him.

It was only accidental that Nagito found himself in the kitchen with Hanamura and even then, someone else was usually around. When that person left Nagito normally just left, not even bothering with some sort of excuse. Such wasn’t the situation when Nagito, after running with Nidai and Owari, went in to get something to eat, and came face to face with Hanamura.

Hanamura was still wearing his chef’s clothes, but it was covered in flour. His hair was a bit skewed and in his hands was an electric hand mixer, which was in a large bowl. Nagito swallowed and almost took a step backwards, to exit from the kitchen, but Hanamura’s eyes caught Nagito’s. Nagito flailed internally and this time took his step backwards, but Hanamura then spoke.

“Wash your hands.” He demanded.

Nagito blinked and his brain processed what Hanamura had just said. “I – what?”

“Hands.” Hanamura huffed before his eyes darted over to the stove. “Please.”

There was no innuendo or any teasing. Nagito looked at Hanamura’s disheveled look and walked over to the sink. Washing his hands quickly under the hot gaze of Hanamura, Nagito then turned around and wiped his hands.

“Good.” Hanamura took over before Nagito could speak. “Now, do you see that bowl beside me?”

Nagito looked and saw another smaller bowl. “Yes?”

“I need you to pour the mixture in as I mix the wet ingredients. Don’t pour it in all at once.”

“I…” Nagito swallowed. He didn’t know a thing about cooking, but he could do something as simple as that. “Okay.”

Heading over to the counter, Nagito grabbed the bowl and angled himself so he could pour the mixture into the other bowl. Inside Nagito’s bowl were the dry ingredients and with as much care as possible, Nagito poured some in.

“Careful!” Hanamura warned. “Too much at once isn’t good.”

“R-right.”

Nagito’s heart was pounding. Why was he the one asked to do this? He tried to not look at Hanamura and remember the file, the statement of how he had forced Hanamura to use the kitchen to his advantage and…

“I said slowly.” Hanamura chided softly.

Focusing, Nagito did as Hanamura asked and stopped when Hanamura gave a look. Staring at the bowl, Nagito watched as the white of the dry ingredients mixed in with what looked like a chocolate batter. It smelt great and as the white disappeared Nagito assumed he had to pour in the rest of the dry ingredients.

“Thank you.” Hanamura said as Nagito poured in the rest.

“You’re welcome.”

Nagito set the bowl down. Now that he was done, did he leave the kitchen? Should he grab that snack before leaving?

“Could you grab the pans for me?” Hanamura suddenly asked.

Nearly jumping at his voice, Nagito turned and looked at Hanamura who was done with the electric mixer and was now scraping the sides of the bowl with a spatula. He wasn’t looking at Nagito but his face looked a bit pink. Nagito blinked before a small smile filled his face.

“Sure.”

Doing as Hanamura asked, Nagito brought the pan over. They were circle pans. Nagito watched as Hanamura poured the batter without a mess into the two pans, roughly even. Tapping the pans on the counter a bit, Hanamura then put them into the oven. Nagito stood still and glanced at the fridge. Was now a good time for him to get his snack and leave?

“If you want to have the first piece,” Hanamura spoke suddenly again, “you better help me with dishes.”

There was still a flush on his cheeks. Nagito stared before he too felt his cheeks warm just a touch.

“Okay.” Nagito agreed.

~

_Nagito didn’t know the love of advice, of someone willing to help him out and give their opinions._

_He didn’t know the love of someone who would sit back and let him vent a little. He had no one to trust and no one who wanted to take the time to trust him. His emotions and thoughts were not welcome and all Nagito could do was bottle everything up and smile. Whenever he was hurt or someone was hurt due to his luck all Nagito could do was bottle his fears, his anger, his sorrow, his frustrations, and smile._

_No one wanted to hear him and no one cared about the boy screaming and crying on the inside._

~

“So, what you’re saying is since you couldn’t find Hajime, you’re asking me?” Koizumi asked, her arms crossed.

Nagito shifted his weight from foot to foot. “I’m sorry for bothering you. I’ll just… go find Hajime.”

“I didn’t say you needed to do that.” Koizumi immediately stopped him. “Just… not in my cottage. Let’s talk somewhere else.”

She stepped out of her place, shutting the door and locking it. Nagito gave her the space and soon the two of them were walking until they reached the beach. It was a good spot to talk and Nagito soon found himself sitting beside Koizumi, looking out into the ocean. Now that there was silence between them, Nagito wasn’t sure what to do. Should he restate his issue? Should he wait for Koizumi to speak?

“Your question.” Koizumi started slowly for Nagito, dispelling his thoughts. “I think it’s a good thing.” She sat back and kicked her feet in the sand a bit. “It proves we’re healing, as Hajime always says we are.”

Healing. That was the magic word that was frequently tossed around. Everything they did was going towards that goal. Nagito exhaled. “So, Hanamura asking me to help him in the kitchen –”

“It is a good thing.” Koizumi firmly restated. “You felt good helping him out, yes? Even if it was a bit awkward?”

Nagito thought to the cake and the silence in the kitchen. Sure, they didn’t speak a lot and when they did it was simple directions and confirmation to those directions, but in the end…

“Yeah.” Nagito muttered. “It was fun. I’ve never really baked anything before. It’s just…”

“Just?” Koizumi propped.

Nagito then thought of the file, of the fear and horror in the Neo World Program. How he had played upon Hanamura’s fears, how he had used Hanamura to commit murder and in turn Hanamura’s trial and execution.

“Just it can’t be that easy, can it?” Nagito asked. “His forgiveness I mean.”

“I don’t think it’s your place to question how Hanamura feels about forgiveness.” Koizumi gently said. “It’s his decision and his thoughts displayed. What matters is how you and Hanamura handle this forgiveness and how you feel in return. Those feelings may shift, as immediate ones often do, but that’s fine.”

How he felt in return. Nagito exhaled sharply. His immediate feelings were easy to grasp, easy to label, and understand. Hesitancy, silence, it was an easy blanket to fall into, to wrap himself around, but Nagito didn’t want that. He wanted to change. Nagito wanted to change how he thought and not just default on a set mindset. In order to do that he’d have to work hard and if that started with something as simple as baking with Hanamura, then Nagito would do it. Everything had to start somewhere.

“You’re right.” Nagito mused.

~

_Nagito didn’t know the love of healing, of someone caring for when he was sick or injured. His memory of his parents comforting him were all but blurred and distorted with time and the mind wipe. Everything after that was just the memory of illness, discomfort, and loneliness. Nagito only remembered curling up by himself and crying when sick. There was always an emptiness when he was ill, one that should have been filled by concern and genuine wish for his recovery._

~

Tsumiki frowned and set the thermometer down on the table. “You have a slight heat exhaustion.” She announced quietly. “No fever, thankfully.”

Nagito groaned and tried to sit up only to fall back into his bed. Tsumiki ruffled and stood up to tuck the thin covers over Nagito’s sweaty body before pressing a cold cloth to his forehead.

“I think it’s from the heat.” Tsumiki told him. “Too much sitting outside and not enough shade and water.” She frowned lightly. “Rest up and drink some water. I’ll grab some ibuprofen.”

“I’m sorry…” Koizumi was immediately at his side. “Perhaps we should have stayed in my cottage to talk.”

“N-No it’s fine.” Nagito managed to get out. “I also was outside with Kazuichi, Nidai, and Owari.”

“I know, but still I feel partially to blame.” Koizumi muttered before she straightened up. “I’ll let you rest. Take it easy. Hopefully I’ll see you during supper?”

Nagito nodded and watched as Koizumi left. For a while he dozed, silence filling his cottage. Lights danced lightly over his eyelids, but it was mild and comforting. Time slipped and Nagito only woke when he heard the door softly shut. Opening his eyes, Nagito saw Tsumiki walk in. She sat by him and opened the ibuprofen bottle.

“Can you sit up for a moment?” She asked.

Doing as she asked, Nagito sat up and accepted the ibuprofen as well as the water. Gulping it down in one swallow, Nagito flopped back onto his bed and closed his eyes. Tsumiki’s hand touched his forehead for a moment before she took the slightly warm cloth off his forehead.

“Do you want another cloth?” She asked.

Nagito nodded slowly. “Thank you.”

“Not a problem.” Tsumiki worked for a moment before another cloth was on Nagito’s head. “Is there anything else you need?”

Nagito turned to her. Tsumiki was sitting at the side of his bed, her expression worried but controlled. She looked more than just a nurse; she looked like a worried friend. Nagito smiled to himself.

“No, I’m fine. Thank you.”

“I’ll let you rest then.” Tsumiki got up. “I’ll come back later to check on you, okay?”

Nagito snuggled into his covers. “Okay. Thank you.”

The door then shut silently and Nagito shifted, closing his eyes, drifting off.

~

_Nagito didn’t know the love of comfortable silence, of being able to hang out with someone and know that he didn’t have to speak or do anything to keep their attention. Nagito didn’t know the joy of just being in the presence of someone and not having to do anything. So much of his life had been the desire to have someone close by, to keep them near. Talking felt like the hook to keep them close, but all it did was pull them away. Silence was the enemy and Nagito had spend so long trying to defeat it._

~

Nagito had slept through supper. When he woke up the sky was a cool blue and the air a bit cooler than normal. Groaning he sat up and felt the stiffness of his limbs, the slight numbness of his mind as it churned and began to warm up. Getting out of bed, Nagito stretched and yawned, cracking his neck a bit as he moved through his cottage. As he woke up his stomach reminded him of missing supper. Deciding to walk to the restaurant first, Nagito walked out, enjoying the cool breeze of the night.

“Nagito.”

Hajime walked up to him and it was enough to stop Nagito in his tracks. Smiling widely Nagito latched onto Hajime, hugging him lightly, enjoying the feel of Hajime against him. “Hajime.”

“Hey.” Hajime hugged him back before pulling away slightly. “I heard you had a bit of heat exhaustion. I came to visit but you were sleeping. I didn’t want to wake you. Feeling better?”

“You came to visit me?” Nagito latched onto the first part. “How sweet. You could have woken me up. I wouldn’t have minded.”

Hajime sighed fondly. “Noted for next time. Also, that’s not answering my question.”

“It isn’t?” Nagito tilted his head. “Oh, I’m good.” He finally said. “Just getting dinner.”

“There is plenty left over.” Hajime told him. “I’d join you but I need to chat with Kirigiri and Naegi.”

Video calls to the mainland. Nagito nodded. “I understand. Tell them I say hello.”

“I will.” Hajime brushed Nagito’s bangs before he kissed Nagito lightly. “See you later.”

Nagito flushed happily. “See you later.”

Once Hajime left Nagito continued his journey to the restaurant. Inside it was silent. Everyone else had to be else where. The only other person was Pekoyama, sitting with a small pot of tea and a tea cup. Nagito carefully walked in and saw that her eyes were closed, perhaps just meditating or thinking. He was about to head to the kitchen when Pekoyama spoke.

“Komaeda, you’re awake. Feeling better?”

Nagito nearly jumped but he didn’t. Instead he slowly turned. Pekoyama’s eyes were still closed but Nagito had no doubt that she knew he was there without looking.

“I’m better. Just wanted to get something to eat.”

“Understandable.” Pekoyama said before she finally opened her eyes. “Want to enjoy some tea with me as you eat?”

The offer left Nagito a bit stunned, but he then nodded. “Sure. That sounds good.”

Continuing his journey to the kitchen, Nagito found the left overs and warmed them up. Once it was done, he headed back out to the dining area. Pekoyama was still there and there was another cup sitting by hers. When Nagito sat down, Pekoyama poured him some tea.

“Thank you.” Nagito took it. It was green tea.

“You’re welcome.” Pekoyama took her own cup and sipped it.

Nagito shifted in his chair. Now that he was sitting Nagito wasn’t sure what else to do. Should he say something? Try to strike up a conversation? He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but then his stomach growled to remind him why he was there in the first place. Nagito took his chopsticks and began to eat. Pekoyama still drank her tea. Nagito tried to gather her expression, to see if he was being rude, but Pekoyama looked relaxed. She still had her tea and was still meditating or thinking. Swallowing Nagito relaxed just a touch and took his own cup of tea, sipping it. It was hot and nearly scalded his tongue but Nagito didn’t care. The silence was thick but the comfort that covered him was welcoming. Pekoyama wasn’t silent because she wanted to distance herself from him. She was silent because that was all that was needed in the moment.

Nagito took another sip of his tea. It didn’t scald him this time. Instead it warmed his insides.

~

_Nagito didn’t know the love of support, of someone willing to do anything and everything to help him out. Loneliness seemed to follow Nagito in all forms and he just had learned to accept it. No one was there to help him. No one was there to offer a hand or go out of their way to assist him. The world tumbled by, people passed him, but he was alone. No warmth, no connections, no support. He just floated along with the others, useless, unwanted, and unneeded._

~

Kuzuryuu took one long look at Nagito’s coat and frowned heavily. Nagito shifted, feeling the olive material against his shoulders and his arms. The fabric was torn at the sleeves, fading, and stained. The end of the coat was tattered and Nagito knew the coat was on the thread bare strings of its life. Really, he didn’t need the coat. The island was hot and they were confined to it. Rarely did they leave and if they did Nagito wouldn’t need the coat anyways. Even in the evening, with the darkened night and the cooler winds, Nagito didn’t need the coat. Even if it rained, which it did, the coat wasn’t water proof. Nagito would be better off with another coat or a different coat, but he couldn’t part with the faded olive garment. Nagito wasn’t entirely sure why he was so attached. Logic stated he just toss the coat. His heart always rebelled. So, Nagito kept the coat and kept wearing it. No one said anything and they certainly rarely complained about lack of items. It was sort of useless to worry about luxury when the world was repairing itself from despair. Besides, Nagito didn’t want to be the one who complained about lack of items when everyone else was on the same boat.

So, when Kuzuryuu frowned when seeing Nagito’s coat as he walked back from the restaurant Nagito almost didn’t stop walking. It was only when Kuzuryuu spoke that Nagito stopped.

“Your coat.” Kuzuryuu said. “Have you considered getting a new one?”

His voice was neutral, not pointed at Nagito, and the mildness of the tone nearly threw Nagito off. “Uh… what?”

Kuzuryuu flushed a touch. “I don’t mean to be rude. Just, I’ve noticed the state of your coat.”

Nagito clutched his coat just a bit tighter and flushed a bit. Should he honestly tell Kuzuryuu what he was thinking? Nagito swallowed. He didn’t want to sound ungrateful however, perhaps, a bit of honesty was good in this moment. Just as a conversation between two people.

“I mean, I have thought of it, getting a new coat I mean.” Nagito wet his lips. “Just it isn’t that important, is it?”

Kuzuryuu’s good eye narrowed and for a second there was silence. It was different from the silence Nagito had experienced with Pekoyama prior but it wasn’t awkward either. Nagito took the silence for what it was worth and shuffled his feet. If that was all that was needed to be said…

“You know, it’s okay to want things.” Kuzuryuu suddenly said. “Ask for a bit more. Your coat and style of coat is important to you, isn’t it?”

His voice was level, reasonable, like a boss noticing an underling’s desires. Nagito stopped his motion to leave and stared for a second. “Uh… I suppose the coat is important to me but…”

“We deserve at least one thing nice.” Kuzuryuu cut Nagito off. “I’ll talk to Naegi about it. I think I know the maker of your coat’s style.”

Nagito stared. The offer was generous but coats weren’t simply given for free even with the world recovering from nearly destroying itself. “That’s nice, but the cost…”

“I’m a Kuzuryuu.” Kuzuryuu simply said. “The world might have nearly ended but I still know some people. You’ll get a new coat.” He added firmly before he walked off towards the restaurant.

Did Kuzuryuu say what Nagito thought he said? Nagito wanted to walk after him and ask for clarification but in the end that felt rude. Kuzuryuu’s offer wasn’t just out of pity, or so Nagito thought, but out of a genuine desire to help him out. Nagito clutched his coat a little bit tighter and continued to walk back towards his cottage.

~

_Nagito didn’t know the love of being unapologetically himself. He had shifted so much over the course of his life, all the events that had happened to him piling up and forming, molting, twisting, and forming into the person he was to become. Layers upon layers of events made him, created and changed him. Nagito sometimes lost who he was in the process, sometimes he didn’t. Most of the time he lost himself. There were so many factors to consider. Should he be funny? Should he be serious? Should he respond the way the other wanted him to? Should he be honest?_

_The fear of honesty was what always stuck to Nagito. What if honesty caused the other to leave him? What if his honesty made them sick of him and they left? What would he do then? Was it better to be a lie and be surrounded by others or was it better to be honest and alone? Nagito wasn’t sure which option was more hopeful or filled with despair._

_Perhaps both options were hopeful and filled with despair at the same time. Nagito wasn’t sure. He had spent so long, too long, being swung on the pendulum of luck, bad luck, hope, and despair. All options in the end had amounted to layering just another layer on his person, obscuring who he was._

_Then again, was that a bad thing? Nagito wasn’t sure._

~

Watching Byakuya move was like watching an optical illusion shift and mold. No part was fixed all the time. Sometimes it was. Sometimes Byakuya was solid, tangible, their form easy to pin and outline. Sometimes their form wasn’t and was more like a lava lamp always shifting the shape, always becoming something different. Each form was both Byakuya and not Byakuya at the same time. However, it was all right. They embraced each form, each look, and never apologized for how they expressed themselves.

Nagito wanted to bottle it, to embody that feeling, that motion. He wanted to freely express who he was, show who he was to everyone. Sure, he had Mioda with her music and his friends allowing him to state how he felt, but there was more to expression than just actions (though those were important).

So, it was with that thought that Nagito knocked on Byakuya’s door, hoping the hour wasn’t too late. The light was still on inside but that meant nothing. Sometimes they all fell asleep with the lights accidentally on. Or not accidental.

The door opened and Byakuya stood there. “Hello, Komaeda. Do you need something?” They were polite and soft spoken.

Nagito shifted and then spoke. “I was uh… wanting to do something different.”

“Different?” Byakuya asked. “Define doing something different.”

“Just in how I… look.” Nagito carefully said. “Not that I hate how I look or anything. I just…”

“You wish to express yourself just a bit differently.” Byakuya said with ease. “Come in.”

Nagito walked in and sat down on one of the chairs in the room. Byakuya disappeared into the bathroom and Nagito wasn’t sure what was going to happen. They returned with a small bag. Sitting on another chair angled towards Nagito, they opened up the bag and produced some eyeliner. It wasn’t black, but a dark sort of blue.

“Are you okay with this?” Byakuya asked, holding the eyeliner out. “I just figured sometimes we express how we feel a bit better when we shift our appearances. If you’re not comfortable with the implications of make up I have a few other ideas.”

Nagito looked at the eyeliner and then exhaled. He was learning how to express his thoughts better and if a bit of a shift in his appearance helped that was a good idea to at least test out. Leaning in Nagito closed his eyes.

“I’m fine with it.”

“I’m glad.” Byakuya said. “Now, please, sit still.”

~

_Nagito knew all kinds of love. The shift from not knowing to knowing felt fluid and smooth. Nagito couldn’t remember how life was without love and he could see his future with love and support guiding his way._

~

Later that week Nagito watched the fireworks go off. They were sitting on the beach, all curled together. Some of them were half on top of each other, like Owari in Nidai’s lap. Some of them were simply holding hands like Kuzuryuu and Pekoyama. Some of them were bundled together in groups, like Sonia, Souda, and Tanaka. And some of them were merely at his side, supporting Nagito with love and silence. Nagito leaned into Hajime and wished it was appropriate to lean over and kiss him. Maybe later. Hopefully soon. For now, all Nagito wanted to do was soak in the warmth of the others, to appreciate their friendship, their support, and their love.

**Author's Note:**

> Souda/Sonia/Tanaka: My favourite OT3.
> 
> Nagi: I've had Owari call Hajime by nicknames so I decided to try one with Nagito.
> 
> Heat exhaustion: In a very brief nut shell it's a sign leading into heat stroke, heat exhaustion is where you're tired, over heated, dizzy, feel a bit nauseous, and could have head aches. Resting, drinking water, getting out of the heat, and perhaps taking some mild pain killer can help recover. If you don't do that then it can turn into heat stroke.
> 
> Make up: While it is certainly NOT needed by any means to express one's self, I really wanted to write Nagito trying eyeliner. Of course, make up is not the be all and end all in someone's self expression, which is why I had the Imposter mention that. How you express yourself is entirely up to you!


End file.
